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Stupid things you’ve done

Whilst polishing my previous car a colour concept Golf Gti I rested a full opened bottle of Mer on the sunroof so not to scratch paintwork (couldnt be bothered bending down to pick it up off floor). Sos not to get polish on that furry bit around the sunroof edge whilst doing the roof I thought id retract the sunroof fully into roof. Gets in car hits button, watches sunroof go back, watches 1L Mer cover me and upholstery and dash and MD player.

Not a happy person that day.


  MKII Vee

Slide on some snow on my own drive and crashed into the side of my house, needed new bonnet and bumper, not amused

Lost both sets of car keys and immobolisers.

This ammounted to:

Break in to the car
£150 to tow the car to my address
£100 and 10 days wait for key
£150 for new immoboliser
Wasnt a huppy bunny. :(
  Clio 1.6 16V

Poured almost 4L off Mobil 1 into my old 16V Golf .....without putting the sump plug back in ....covered the pit floor instead. Had to explain this to my neighbour (creased with laughter) so that he would take me up to the shops for another 25 squids worth of oil !! Sure Im not the only dork thats done this! :oops:

sorry lads but lol, i bet you laughed about it all later!

The most stupid thing ive done was to put two really thin gold racing stripes on my old RT - cannot explain what was going through my head that day - disasterous!
  CTR EK9 turbo

pete - you really are ashamed of those racing stripes arent you!!?lol

Most stupid thing was taking a corner too late/deciding at last minute (in first, old car) and understeering into a kerb with a bollard on top. Bent the control arm and the wheel was rubbing the arch.

Put too much oil in my dads car for a service and the pressure blasted the cap off and soaked the engine in oil.

Only had one key for my XR2 which I lost and broke into the car with a flathead screwdriver and spent the rest of the weekend fitting a steering coloumn when i only needed a new barrell.

Kaned my valver when cold and messed up the RAD.

Im not too bright.:oops:

the stupidest thing i done was to test drive a Nova for my first car! i thought it was great it was that horrible yellow sr they made with brown tinted glass!! oh dear the shame!

Years ago - removed the steering wheel from my Avenger. It sits on a spline, so it takes a bit of force to shift it. Sat in drivers seat, pulling wheel hard. When it came off it hit me right in the face, leaving an imprint for a couple of days.

Ooh, remembered a much better one :).

Even more years ago I was spraying a bit of one of my motorbikes. The silver spraycan blocked up so I removed the nozzle from the top to clean it.

After cleaning it I put it back on - still no paint. Ah ha I thought, there must be a blockage further down.

Off came the nozzle again. I found a thin nail and attempted to push it into the tube at the top of the can. This is when I discovered a) there was no blockage here, and b) the nozzle acts as a pressure-reducing valve.

The action of pushing the nail down the tube released a LOT of silver paint with great force. Some of it hit the inside of the shed roof, but most of it hit my face :oops:. I looked like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, except the front of my hair was glued pointing straight up.

It was a long time before my face lost its silver tinge.

I think i might have mentioned this before, but i crashed a car into a skip causing 5k worth of damage.

The skip was ok though, i love a happy ending.


ClioSport Club Member
  Lazy v8

got a plunger it was a new 1 and i wanted to test it i was only like 7 and i stuck it on my chest really hard and couldnt get it off, got a friend to pull and well i had a black circular bruise that was there for weeks and the next day i had a swimming competition which was with 12 schools from my area and the teacher wouldnt let me wear a t shirt.


ClioSport Club Member
  F31 330d

Getting distracted... got a love bite of some bird on me neck and convinced my then missus that my mate did it with the hoover!!!!


  Shiny red R32

I once ran over our paper boys bike! Having unlocked the garage door, it wasnt there, but by the time I reversed my car out, he had laid it across the drive and was pushing the paper through the front door.

Crunch! It looked rather mangled as I ran right over it - he admitted it was his own fault, luckily his parents saw the funny side of it and bought him a new bike and told him that in future he was to stand it up, not throw it on the ground.

I went in to the newsagents to pay my bill and told the lady that I had run over her paper boys bike and she said "and was he riding it at the time?"


had new ball joints fitted to my old RT and thought i was micheal schumacher. took a bend at 90(i only dare take it at 70 in my valver on coilovers!!) under steered, went to correct it, oversteered, spun round at about 60mph going backwards across a dual carriage way. bent my axle and shattred a 17" alloy!!!
  Clio 197

I drove a VW Golf for about 40 miles, at speed, with the lug bolts just finger tight. I kept looking up for the helicopter that I thought was flying over me but it was the sound of the wheels wobbling! Close one, that!

mate of mine deep fryed some chips in a presure cook with the lid on and exploded!!!!! Hot fat all over the kitchen...:sick:
  2005 Audi A3 3.2 Quattro

Vivj, on a similar note, one of my fathers flatmates was frying chips and thought a boiled egg might be nice as well, but he was a little lazy to just boil some water so he used the oil hed made the chips just image this...he drops the egg in and the moment it hit the oil, it exploded in whisps of black egg.....

petes - that really made me laugh, if anyones ever seen the tin man sketch on "big train" thats the picture i have in my head now.

I once had a 205gti with one of those external sunroofs and the seal on the roof had gone missing / was crap. This wasnt really a problem as it was summer and you only really noticed it as a noise on the motorway. most of the time i washed my car by hand, but this one time i decided to get a really good carwash done (wax and everything). This wash had a metal beam that shot high pressure water at various angles at the car. Im happily sitting there when all of a sudden the water shoots in from the back of the sunroof. The sunroof channeled about 40 litres of water directly onto my head, and i had to go through the embarrasment of getting out of my car on the other side of the car wash absolutely soaked. When i got home my housemate goes "jeez, how hard is it raining out there?" and i had to drive round with towels on my seats for about a week.

This one was particularly embarassing at the time.

I often drive with a bike rack and my nice mountain bike on the roof of my 16v and have never really had any trouble - except for this time.

I was going along the motorway at about 65mph when I came to a very open and flat section, so I decided to up the pace a bit. Eventually, I was doing about 90 and was noticing that the odd car was flashing at me as I overtook them. Nothing too unusual I thought, people often flash at me (like I flash a 16v/172/Willy/V6).

But on this occasion they had very good reason apart from that! I looked up about five minutes later to see my bike hanging off the side of the car!!! So I rapidly pulled over and had to face the humiliation of people blasting by in their cars shouting something to the effect of "told you so you w***er"!

That was a really stupid time and I hate to think of what would have happened if the bike had fully come off (unlikely though).
  7.6cc :D

I once reversed into my own house! :oops:

Oh and i once ran my dad over! in my defence he was stood in a blind spot.:devilish:

I was working on the engine of my old 5 turbo and I needed to start the car up to check what Id just done.

I opened the door put the key in and started the engine and then shut the door. Soon as I shut the door I realised that my alarm had anti-hijack which locks the doors 5 seconds after the engine is started. I went to open the door and soon as i touched the handle the bloody doors locked.

So there I was, standing next to my car, locked out with the engine running and to top it off the spare keys and alarm fob were sitting on the passenger seat.!!!!!

I ended up having to rip out the passenger side door lock to get in.... DOH.!!!

This weekend i dropped the bonnet onto my head whilst removing leaves from the engine bay! I know have a lump on the back of my head. I also drove very fast in an M3 yesterday. Its not big, its not funny and its against the law, but i had a bloody good time doing it.

very similar to mitsi, had just had my valver resprayed, it was a cold evenin so decided to let her warm up, but was parked o the street, so took the alarm fob off thinkin ill be smart and leave her runnin but alarmed. turned her on closed the door and pressed the alarm, nothin happened, thought hmmmm, so tried again, kept tryin till i just held the button, YES my clifford had one of those anti jackin things and thought i was someone f*ckin about and locked itself! oh yes i neva got a spare key with my valver, just two alarm fobs that would only set the alarm off if i kept tryin. Worst thing was i was in a rush to pick up the g/fs parents to take em out for her bday dinner. Cars sittin in the road, engine runnin, half a tank of petrol!!! doh, decided in the end to call AA who id recently signed up to, only to be told i didnt have homestart! doh! had to upgrade then wait for someone to come let me in, then refill the wasted petrol!!!!!! :eek:(

I was cleaning water out of the plug wells in my valver, poured redex into the wells, then turned the engine over without any plugs in, but didnt seal the wells, result= Redex and petrol all over the engine bay!

Got burgled, thought they stolen my spare keys, so new locks all round, 2 days later found my spare keys! DOH

Reversed my old 306 when a passenger door was open, backed the door into a bollard (£500 damage)

Cold morning, iced up windscreen. Ex-bird starts up her ford ka whilst standing outside. Ka was parked in reverse! Auto choke is obviously set for anti-stall, revs shoot up, car flies backwards through a bush and a tree before hitting next doors house. Was funny as f**k to watch from in doors. Bent drivers door.

Myself, knowing I had a bit of an oil leak on my saab turbo, couldnt be arsed to check the level, left woolacombe heading for London averaging around 130. Made it as far as the M5.

The new engine I had to have replaced lasted two weeks longer than the warranty.

Never take your saab to that joke of a garage in Nam.


MY GOD ! This has to be one of the funniest threads I have ever read ! SUPERB ! Some of these stories had me crying at my desk ! The people I work with are giving me very strange looks right now as I am sitting at my desk in a fit of laughter ! ha ha ha ha !

As for me, I dont think I have done anything car related which was that stupid.................

Oh yeah, just thought of one ! When I had my first car, crappy old MKI Fiesta ! Only been driving around 6 months or so ! Was saving up for a 205 GTi at the time. Was in the car with 2 of my mates and we parked up in the town centre to get some cash from the cashpoint. Got out and got money, got back in the car. Had to reverse to get out of the spot I was in so I looked in my mirror and it was clear, started reversing, heard a big bang, looked out of my window and there was a bike on its side with the biker on the floor ! Oops ! Turns out that I had parked outside a bike shop and the guy had borrowed the bike as he had worked there and was not insured ! Left it without swapping any details as I think he was in for some sh*t ! I dont know where he came from to this day as I did look ! He was well shocked as was I ! Thought my GTi was out of the window when I heard the bang tho !

My mates had a good laugh at that !

Whilst checking a blowing exhaust on my previous car (an XR2) I jacked up the rear of the car using a trolley jack.

Remembered to put the handbrake on BUT forgot to chock the wheels and forgot my road is on a hill. I jacked the car up to the point where the rear wheels werent touching the ground and the car rolled (quite quickly) down the road to the bottom of the hill! :confused: Perfectly balanced on the front wheels and trolley jack.

Thankfully there were no other cars on the road and not many witnesses!:oops:
  Corsa 1.3 CDTI

Funniest thing I have done was while riding my old BMX I was a bit of a lad and decided to take my driveway at break neck speeds. Now the drive way was on an incline and cambered slightly. Anyway cut a long story short I ended up skidding down the drive on the bike and I was in such a position my face was also skidding along the drive …… Ouch !

Once pretended to be a top class rally driver in my Peugeot 309. Went into Tesco’s car park when it was snowing a few years back and kept on hand breaking it round bends getting better and better everytime until ……. I got over confident and hand breaked it into a very large kerb, denting the wheel and knocking the tracking out by a vast amount.

Now one my mate did. He had just bought an Yamaha RD LC80 which was a little pocket rocket. He was just getting used to it and pulled up at some lights. Now unknown to him his shoe lace caught round the foot peg as he tried to put his foot down. The worse thing was a car full of girls next to him had seen the whole thing as he picked himself off the floor along with the bike !!!!

Chavyboy - i saw someone do that on a GSX-R 1100 once. He stopped at the lights and there was a moment of wild flailing of feet as he realised both his shoes were attached to the pegs and the bike just went down. The thing was he was then stuck, and had to get a load of people to pick him and the bike up. I suppose you shouldnt ride a bike like that with trainers on though.

I really hate motorcyclists..i wouldnt piss on them if theyre bikes were on fire!

I was in dartford with my dad in the Aston, two suzuki 23424214234rs weaved around until they got to the front of traffic, as usual. When the lights went green they did wheelies in an obvious attempt to show off. We then masterfully drove in between the both of them and shot off towards the roundabout (where they have to slow down to walking pace) and i wave goodbye. I know that doesnt count as a stupid thing, but i shagged my mates bird once, does that count?!

Here we go again Rob - theres nothing wrong with 99% of bikers out there, dont get pissed just cos they can cut through traffic. thats all im saying, just to add some balance.:)

You lie!

EVERY moped driver is a tw*t. Kids round my area dont even pay attention to red lights!

Ive only ever seen 2 superbike owners who actually wait in traffic, the rest HAVE to get to the front regardless of risk. They target any performance car as prey and EVERY day i witness countless risk takes. I live near brands hatch, i can give countless examples.. Not to mention couriers and old blokes on their two strokes.

Anyway, rant over, wouldnt mind one of them Duke 999s ;)

Agreed! We Vespa and Lammy scooter owners think that all moped riders are c***s on a deathwish too:mad:, but lets stay on topic.:)

RobFenn, Im not going to rise to the bait. This time.

Thought of loads more, but most of them relate to other people.

1. Seat Height Adjustment in a Lada. Mate of mine had an old sh*tbucket of a Lada Estate (basically an Eatern-bloc Fiat 126). He tried to kill it for 2 years and it wouldnt die. It was, however, full of rust.

One day he needs to jack the right-front corner up (the reason for this escapes me). I loan him a jack and he sets to it on my drive. When the corner is well up in the air I turn my back for a second. There is a loud CRUNCH. I turn around and the Lada is back on four wheels again. The jack is still fully extended - it has gone through the rusty floor (dont ask), ripped the seat off its moountings and has jammed it against the roof of the car.

After about half an hour we disentangle the jack, car and seat, but there isnt enough rust-free metal to bolt the seat to. Instead he drives around for the next couple of weeks with the seat not attached to anything. Picture the scene: ratty old 1.5 Lada at the traffic lights; lights go red-amber, the engine is doing at least 7,000rpm, bouncing the valves; lights go green; driver dumps the clutch; car lurches forward three feet and stalls because drivers seat has tipped over, depositing driver on the back seat.

This could turn into a Serial. Next, Episode 2 - Revenge of the Steering Lock


ClioSport Club Member
  Lazy v8

lol omg i have just nearly pissed my self i can soo picture that happening.

when i was little i went to a farm park with my mum, gran and gramp ne way my gramp told me to go to him and he would pic me up wo see the horse.

now before we go on you have to realise electric things didnt effect my gramp once he had a rotervator that was playing up and he thought it was the ht lead so he stuck his finger in the end to see if it was sparking lol.

ne way he picks me up and places his hand on the electric fence well the charge goes straight in to me and he dont feel it so im screeming and he thinks im just scred of the pissing horse it seemed like he held me there for 5 minuets, i had a stutter for a week after that :/