Car is actually the devil.
With the assistance of
@Scrooge @TheEvilGiraffe Fat Dave, and my mate Steve, they (I did f**k all) eventually replaced my starter motor yesterday, after many many hours of swearing. Although there were a few mishaps (there is at least a few bolts and one ratchet spanner on my undertray, or maybe not anymore) and hammers but that bit was done.
Tried to start car, wouldn't idle. Took MAF off, idled fine. Got annoyed. Then Steve remembered he hadn't put a breather hose back on at the front of the intake manifold. Put that back in, fires up and idles happily.
Then realise SMG fluid (CHF11S hydraulic fluid) is too low in reservoir (stupid tiny tank built into the f**king intake manifold) as it'd mostly pissed out of the self sealing tank (lies). So went with TEG today to get some of that.
Spiffing. Took it for a 3 mile or so test drive with TEG, all looking good, SMG fluid still fine.
Wash car.
Go for a drive to my parents, get 4 miles away, disco lights (EML, DSC and a yellow handbrake icon). Turn car off, back on, drive home.
Leave car a while, then go out to kill it to death. Do 30 odd miles, no problems.
Come out to check fluid levels a few hours after last test drive, SMG fine, oil fine, brake fluid fine, see what I think is a pool of oil.. is in actual fact power steering reservoir... with no cap
No idea if that's what caused the lights, but it wasn't like it earlier. No idea how it worked loose. May have just been gradual if it got accidentally whacked when we were putting the intake manifold back in.
ODB port is too far in (no idea how that happened) so can't even plug it into something to see what faults lie in memory, may have to get someone to dismantle the dash to fix that.
I have about zero faith in the cars ability to complete a journey at the moment, so it's staying with my wife for the week whilst I traipse to Heathrow for training for the week. See if she has more luck with the piece of s**t.
I am honestly looking forward to her Nissan Juke arriving, as it means I can push the M3 to the garage and leave it alone (and probably sell it)
Don't buy an M3
Edit: Remembered something else. Need to get the correct clips for the TB hoses, currently using jubilee clips (although it already had 1 jubilee and 5 of the weird locking ones) as we broke all the others getting it off the car. Doesn't *seem* to be fouling the throttle with the slightly larger clips, but who knows if it's causing chaos or not.
Can tell someone has tried to "fix" the starter in the past as it had clearly been clouted