Funniest Thing You Have Been Told By A Dealer...

[Vern]

Me, i'v had this car 1 day and its grinding in reverse and third gear
Dealer, Its ment to do that sir,
me, Bollox
Dealer, No need to be like that sir

 

[Djw Dave]

i'm gonna revive this thread as its so funny

when i asked for spark plugs for my clio , a renault guy said 'for a petrol or a diesel engine? '....

Nice!!

 

[riz]

vauxhall dealer with bro in law:

me: how many euro ncap stars does the zafira have?
dealer: i dont know what is that?
me: safety test thingy all the cars have it now and get stars etc etc
dealer: oh is it one of those science tests where they drive a car into a brick wall and say yeah this ent safe
me:do u sell tourans?

 

[AlexS]

i'm gonna revive this thread as its so funny

when i asked for spark plugs for my clio , a renault guy said 'for a petrol or a diesel engine? '....

Oh dear...

 

[Justin]

when i had my 182, i had no problems, but vauxhall are bloody awful

Me - I'm here to get a recall done on my vx
Recep - Ah yeah, Mr King
Me - Yeah, can i get the keys to the courtesy car i pre booked?
Recep - Um, we gave it to someone else
Me - Well i need a car, i have an appointment
Recep - Cant you just take the bus?

I was RAGIN!

And tried phoning for a 4th service quote

Me - Hi can you give me a price for a 4th service on my VX? (expecting around £4-500)
Vaux - £250 sir
Me - Are you sure, the 4th service is the timing belt?
Vaux - yeah im sure..
Me - Does that include the timing belt then?
Vaux - let me go check................ NO..
Me - OK! how much will that be then
Vaux - An extra £390+VAT
Me - thanks, goodbye

 

[Diesel_Power]

"Something is wrong with my car, can i speak to a mechanic please to clear something up?"

"What car?"

"182, 2004 plate"

"OOOOoooo just out of warranty......you will need a diagnostic [insert price] and then parts and labour"

"It doesnt need a diagnostic, i actually know whats wrong with it, i just need to speak to a mechanic about it"

"Im afraid we need to put the car on a diagnostic and drive the car first"

"IT. DOESNT. NEED. A. DIAGNOSTIC. THERES. NOTHING. "DIAGNOSTICALLYLLLLY". WRONG. WITH. THE. CAR."

Im sorry but we will at least need to drive it"

"Ok thanks then!"

*Walks out*

 

[Baldin0]

My story was when i had my car in for a service. i recieved a phone call


dealer - hello, your front brakes are extremely corroded and pitted, but good news, we have them in stock and can fit them right now

me - hmmm so how much will that cost me

dealer - about £325

me - ok so im assuming thats the total cost including service

dealer - no sir, thats the price for the brakes, pads and fitting

me - Just leave them, i can get them cheaper off the internet

dealer - i dont recommend buying cheap brakes, you might crash

 

[Iridium]

I had a 206 last and had an awesome one with brakes and the Pug dealer. Took it in for service to Arundale of Scarborough -

Me - "The low brake fluid light flickers on sharp stops and fast cornering - the front pads are well obviously shagged tho, so if you could just check all that out"

Them - "Ok sir will do"

A few hours pass, I collect car -

"The brakes are fine - the mechanic just topped up the fluid for you"

Me - "Erm, if it needs topping up, then either the pads are low, or there is a leak"

Them - "No sir, they can use a bit over time"

Me - "I don't have time to argue this, but I'll be back tomorrow..."

Set off home, get to 70 on the bypass, brake the roundabout, car slews violently left and the hazards come on - it did that when you did an emergency stop - I was gently braking...

Take it back the next day, explain how if there had been a car/cyclist inside of me, I'd have had a pretty major accident. They didn't aplogise... Take it to be looked at, mechanic comes out

"I've found your problem, the brake pads were knackered, and the system had too much fluid in - you shouldn't top it up yourself"

"I didn't, you did yesterday"

"No we didn't"

At this point I was literally almost shaking with rage heh. About a month later, I noticed the rears were grinding badly, but I was going into hospital, so I got my mum to stop at a much better dealer on the way to leeds - Barkers of Malton - I'd recommend them to anyone, they inform mum that the rear pads are so worn, they're down to the metal and have also destroyed the disks, and they take her through into the service area and show her all the damage etc. She mentioned Arundale and the guy laughed out loud apparently... It was nice of them to mention how badly worn my rear pads were when it was serviced and when they took it back, because of a problem with the brakes wasn't it...

Dan

 

[DazRsi]

i have had 1 donut

172 cup hunt

got to a dealers..... conversation started about the car first thing he said was


dealer - SIR ' have you checked your insurance

Me- Dont need to ive had just as sportier quicker cars then this

dealer - Before i take you out and let you behind the wheel id rather you try insurance as its a fast car and not for the faint hearted, insurance for you will be easily over 1500 quid

Me- Mate believe me when you own a motorbike capaerble of 170mph im pretty sure the clio wont suprise me

dealer - well if you go home check insurance and come back with a quote your happy with i will let you ake it for a spin as young lads have come to test drive it and just raged it, you see the cars really fast thats why i use it for my transport home

Me- so does the baby seat in the rear come with it plus theres a fag buds in it

Dealer- seat belongs to me as i use it to go home its so much fun and fast

me- so youpretty much rag it yourself then every night when you finish shift

Dealer - of course not 'smerking'

me- ok if i was intrested id wot deal could you do

dealer - seriously go home check insurance and come back in the morning and we will go from there

me- mate im not even gonaa check insurance as i know i can get insured and yes before i came i had a quote, im 23 with 4yrs no claims, insurance quote was 710 quid for the year fully comp, i dunno wo employed you but youve lost a sale and you will not sell that car for 6200 in the condition its in, i dunno how you can leave a baby seat in it on the forecourt with your fag buds in the ashtray

gudluck see ya

the car was advertised for 6200 in mint condition ---
I got there and the car was dirty, being used , fag burn in both seats, not even full service historty, 02 plate with 50 odd miles, no garantee the cambelt had been change, on view had some big bore exhaurst and genrally looked s**t and all for 6200 no thanks

 

[Iridium]

Ah one from Renault Scarborough - not a major thing, just salesman b****cks, but when my friend when to look at buying a brand new 05 plate 1.2 Extreme a few years ago he told her they were faster than all other 1.2s because they used the same technology as Renault F1, who were pwning the championship at the time hehe

Dan

 

[Whiteley]

Me: Hi i wondered if you could give me a price for one of these bulb holders? (whilst holding the other one)
Him: No worries, what car is it for?
Me: Mk2 Ph1 Clio with the dual optic headlights...
Him: Let me go and have a look for you... (he walks away)
.... (he comes back)
Him: Could you write your registration down on this bit of paper for me please...
I write it down and he disappears again.... then returns
....
Him: We don't actually sell just the holder, you'll have to pay £146 plus vat for the entire light unit
Me: I'll leave it for now thanks.. and I leave.


Head straight to a breakers yard and get one for £2

 

[Goders172]

Me: I need an Engine Mount for a 2003 Clio 172 (didnt get as far as telling him wich f*cking one)
Stealer: Ok sir is that the 1.8
Me: no the 2.0
Stealer: Sorry Sir they didnt make a 2.0 172
Me: Im pretty sure they did, ive just driven here in it
Stealer: Oh it must be a 182
Me: no if it was a 182 i would of said so its a 172
Stealer: They only had a 1.8, the 182 had a 2.0 thats where they squezzed the extra 10bhp from:S
Me: Can i speak to the receptionist i may get more sense from her.
Stealer: No need to be like that sir im merely informing you your car has a 1.8 engine.
Me: F*ck this ill order one somewhere else you bunch of cowboys

Or last week:

Me: Hi i need a headlight washer jet for a clio 172
Stealer: Ok which Side
Me: Passganger please
Stealer: Sorry sir the 172 Cup didnt have them
Me: I know that but the 172 did
Stealer: No they only made a cup version:S and they didnt have xenons so no need for washer jets.
Me: Yes they made a FF version with suede seats, aircon, xenons etc.
Stealer: Ahh the 182
Me: No i had this last time i came its the 172 Non cup
Stealer: only the 182 had headlight wahser jets
Me: marvellous i shall take one of them then (Joker)

 

[Djw John]

Thought Id copy this into here as well!

Was at a main dealers garage today with the 172 (not having work done). Was giving the car a quick clean with the pressure washer when some middle aged man and a boy walked up to me and asked me,

Him: Where did you get that bodykit from?
Me: Nowhere, its just the standard bumper.
Him: No its not Ive never seen anything like that before
Me: No honestly its the one that comes fitted to all 2.0 Sports
Him: 2.0 litre?! Oh right, news to me ok thanks.

Now this itself would be fair enough but hes the bodyshop estimator!!!

I probably should be more surprised but for some reason Im not

 

[Ant1]

This is the best one "Don't worry sir, we know what we are doing"

 

[fUbAr]

I took the 182 in for its first MOT last month, and was told they couldn't pass it due to there being too much dirt on the rear reg plate and it wasnt easily readable!

I asked them why they couldnt just wipe the dirt off, to which they looked suprised and replied "if you want us to do the work we can".

I found it very funny, and was expecting a labour charge for cleaning the reg plate... but to my amazement they did all that work for free :approve:

 

[Clio Blue182]

It's not just me then.

Last December -- Camden Renualt MK --

Service Manager (SM) --Can I help you Sir?

Me --Yes the Exhaust is knack'd and the headlight washers are leaking again.

SM --Walks out to the car and looks at it, comes back in and says you have not fitted the exhaust correctly and the washers are fine.

Me --Come with me, see the leaking washers ! and you guys said you replaced the pipe under warranty 3months ago.

SM ----You have overfilled your washer bottle and the exhaust will need looking at.

Me --Show me how you can overfill the washer bottle? and when can you look at the car? (having noticed 3 service mechs having a fag outside)

SM --(no comment on the overfilling) Said we are booked until mid January.

Me -- Forget it fool.

I went to Sutton Park Renault and the mechanic showed me how they bodged the pipe and not replaced it the first time.

 

[jez4130]

Went to car craft looking for a test drive in a 172.
got talking to the guy at the counter who seemed to has owned every single clio sport including the V6 and the trophy.
He was showing me the 182 n I said yeah thats nice but i'm more interested in the 172.... he then said;

"oh you mean the single exhaust one?"
me, "uurrr, yeah"

"ahh yes, you see the difference is the extra exhaust pipe is the only difference and gives the 182 an extra 25bhp"

????idiot!!

 

[Timmay]

"ahh yes, you see the difference is the extra exhaust pipe is the only difference and gives the 182 an extra 25bhp"

????idiot!!

FLOL quality

 

[Marky_]

He sounds numerically dyslexic.

 

[fuel_slut]

Me: Have you got any clio 197's in stock i'd love a test drive?

Dealer: 197?? you mean the new 192?

Me: lol..... no im pretty sure its called a 197!?

Dealer: No its def 192

Me: Ok mate, you have a good day now.

 

[Iridium]

This is the greatest thread, ever.

Dan

 

[cafcross]

me: can i have 172 front grille please?

ren: that'll be £200

me:no it wont there's a problem with your computer it brings up the wrong
price!
ren:NO there's not, we are 100% the price is £200.

me:can you please check the master stock file they'll see its' not.

ren: Ok but i know i'm right!

(FEW MINS LATER AND LOOKING STUPID)

renk sir that'l be £47 inc. tax

me: chucking away.. i haven't got any change here's £40

ren:Ok sir..sorry about that mix up he looked very red

exact same thing happened to me, along with them telling it wouldn't fit my car as its a non sport model

 

[lisa16v]

trying to get me to pay for a £90 sensor that had gone on my old car when it had 3 years warranty. had a right argument with him till another bloke came over who knew me and said i didnt have to pay for it. the lad who told me i had to pay for it looked 19 and only started that week :rasp: he got a right telling of infront of me lol

 

[Bluebeard]

I don't really know what you lot expect...

Ever heard of the phrase 'you pay peanuts, you get monkeys'??

 

[djpotter]

i had a rasp coming from my exhaust. had it in renault garage 3 times and all 3 times they said it was the heat sheild and said they fixed it each time ( car under warenty ) 3rd time it still had a rasp took it back (day after warenty ran out) was told the center section had gone and was told i'd have to pay for another one. this was a saturday so after them not budging i started to shout very loudly as the place was packed with potential buyers. as people started to leave they fixed my exhaust. got it back with a nice dent in the bonnet and my engine cover is scrached to f**k. cheeky b******s

 

[myleS16]

I posted on this a while back about a garage telling me that my gas shocks were leaking oil, I didnt think that gas shocks contained oil, erm well I was wrong aparently they do :quiet: .

 

[NickM5c]

After I bought my car back in 2004 I went to purchase an Arctic Blue touch up pen from Renault Enfield when i got a stone chip after a few weeks. I was told by the silly fat a-hole behind the service desk:

'We don't have them in that colour as it's too new. Besides it's not as though it was hit by a f***ing brick.'

Thanks for your help.

 

[Batman]

here's my funniest moment

me: "hi i'm looking for a megane or possibly a clio sport, someting small, quick fun to drive and not too over priced"

dealer: "ohh, your just in luck, we've just got this in, the new renault modus, would you like a test drive?"

i proceeded to laugh like skeletor

 

[bendee]

ooo i thought of one lol..

went to renault leicester for a part cant remeber what and non of them had heard of a williams lol just stood there like its outside come look at it.
even looking on the computer they couldnt find it only the 1.8 mk1 was abit shocked by that.
i belive the woman said ive worked here 6 years and ive never heard of it.

 

[DrR]

here's my funniest moment

me: "hi i'm looking for a megane or possibly a clio sport, someting small, quick fun to drive and not too over priced"

dealer: "ohh, your just in luck, we've just got this in, the new renault modus, would you like a test drive?"

i proceeded to laugh like skeletor

You didn't ask for a RenaultSport you asked for a Clio Sport

 

[theduck]

Best one I've had recently was

Dealer: The best we can do that for is £297 a month
Me: Well I can get it on a fully maintained lease direct from Renault for £100 a month less than that
Dealer: But then at the end of the lease you wont have a car sir
Me: I know that, and as I already told you I want to change my car every two years anyway...

 

[BRUN]

I went to a dealer the other day, to get a price on the clips for the rear spoiler!!!
Me:
Hey, i need some mounting clips for my 1991 Clio 1.8 16V
Dealer:
The Mk. 1 Clio's never came with a spoiler, are you sure it is standard??
Me:
Ehh yeah!!
Dealer:
Ohh it must be a 2001 then???
Me:
No 1991 1.8 16V!!!!!!!!!!!

He then had to look out the window, before he realised what car it was!!

Then:
Dealer:
Ohh it is a 16V, thats type D57 right??
Me:
No it is B57!!!
Dealer:
Are you sure??? You better pop the hood, and we have a look!!!
Me:
Doh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its a C57D

 

[Craig7777]

new renaults are one of the most reliable cars you can buy

 

[R-Sport.]

I have the classics to end all classics--

I rung renault dartford for brake fluid for the vee a year or so ago-

Dumb bint receptionist in Service:-

What can I do for you-

me: I would like some brake fluid for my v6 clio please--

Dumb Bint:
Sure can I take your registration number--- & is it British?

Me; YES FX05*** .....

Dumb Bint:--- Goes Quiet & goes to check computer---

Can I have your registration plate again-

Me ( aggitated) :

FX05 ***

Dumb bint: --- Goes quiet again-
Sir, we dont seem to be able to locate your car...

wait for it----




































Are you sure its a renault??? ....


BINT
S

 

[Renault_Boy01]

^^PMSL

 

[BRUN]

its quite a legitimate question with some customers lol !!!

ive been at my local dealership less than 3 months, and ive already had 4 calls for parts for none renaults !

 

[imperial04]

best thread... should be a sticky!

 

[delboy172]

I went to renault Birmingham for a engine cover . Went up to part department, asked me for the registration, told the man behind the desk who goes on to tell me that because the car did not come with a engine cover from the factory that he could not supply me with one.
I said i could give him the parts number so he could order me one, but he still insisted that he could not sell me one as it was not fitted to the car from new. I asked to speak to somebody else and managed to get one ordered. Just makes me laugh it was as if he didn't want to take my money lol.

 

[trailerparktrev]

Not a dealership tale. Years ago I was looking for quotes on the Saxo VTS I had at the time. At the time More Than insurance were heavily advertising on the tv, so I thought I'd give 'em a try.

Calls them, give them the details then the call centre operator says "I am sorry I can't give you a quote on this vehicle as you are under thirty"

I replied "no I am not, my 30th birthday was 2 months ago"

"I'm sorry but my computer is telling me that you are not 30"

Umm I think I know how old I am... I'll be 36 in two months, tomorrow.

 

[Tom H]

A few of mine :

Me: Id like the front bonnet decal for my Peugeot 106 Rallye..

Dealer: Im sorry sir we never made a rallye someone has added those stickers and there no ours.

Me: You sure ?

Dealer: I have been here 7 years, peugeot never made a 106 Rallye you sure it isnt a GTI?

Me: Im sure they did its parked outside, they imported 500 of them and its very real, now can i please have a sticker?

Dealer **looking out window**: Sir, there is no such thing its common for young lads to add stickers to cars, but its not a sports model its even got steel wheels...

Me: Ok what model is it then?

Dealer **puts reg into computer**: Oh it appears they did make a rallye cant be any good never heard of them maybe why they only sold 500...

By this time i was fuming he was slating my car... so i left.

X GF's 206cc in for a MOT Service and Warranty work for leaking, rattling, and wheels fouling on full lock...

Dealer: Im afraid the wheels fouling the bodywork isnt covered under warranty as you have the wrong tyres and wheels fitted..

Me: Really? You sure? Whats that mean then?

Dealer: Well its really quite dangerous there the wrong ones for the car and as there rubbing on lock they could explode and cause an accident..

Me: Can we go and look at the car? (goes outside where its parked next to another cc and they both have identical bog standard wheels so i open the door and ask the dealer to read the recomended tyre size and brand off the lable and then the ones on the car.. then ask if hes joking, and because its a females car if they though they could take her for a ride...

Dealer: errr leave it here well have it sorted asap..