e91 335i. The Unicorn.

[Christopher]

Those are some hard 700 dry miles! 😆

 

[Sir_Dave]

After the ABS sensor, here we have some excellent bodging ...
Most impressive given this car has only ever been worked on by those lovely people at Cooper BMW as it was under warranty 🤣

This is the panel next to the sunroof buttons, hidden behind it is the bluetooth microphone.
The unit has been off in the past for some reason. When it was removed it was broken somehow, as you can see below:

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

This annoyed me greatly, so some overnight parts from Germany were bought:

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Upon removing the panel, it became apparent that when it was removed previously before and cracked, the numbskull that removed it also broke all the clips that hold it into the roof, so they glued the panel to the microphone module, then glued that to the roof

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

This made seperating it rather difficult:

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But we got there in the end.

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Et voila. All fixed.

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Whilst i realise that this is rather a lot of photos for a simple task, the absolute retardedness of the initial repair amused me somewhat.

 

[Cookson]

Jesus Christ. Rough b******s.

 

[Rob]

‘Buy my car, it has full bmw main dealer history’

‘nah I’m alright thanks mate’

 

[Stefan.]

Christ, that's shocking.

 

[Naughty Boy]

Does not surprise me at all.

 

[Christopher]

It's cruel but I pissed myself when I saw the glue 😆 Good fix!

 

[MarkCup]

Are you sure that's glue?

*** shivers ***

 

[Pep]

Brilliant method, approved in the BMW workshop manual.
Shame they didn't use glue to fix my rattly M2!

 

[Clart]

That's a bodge , but pales into insignificance compared the one on the m135 !

 

[Sir_Dave]

Jesus Christ. Rough b******s.

Christ, that's shocking.

Does not surprise me at all.

It's cruel but I pissed myself when I saw the glue 😆 Good fix!

Yup. Its fairly poor isnt it, i mean the part wasnt exactly expensive (£35 posted from Germany), so they should have just replaced it really. I think the thing that really annoys me with the main dealer is that they just dont care, i mean, the saloon 335i has full BMW history as well and the first thing i had to do with that was fix the coolant leak from the poorly replaced (under warranty) water pump, then they buggered up the power cable recall so it cut out on the motorway!!

Which leads me onto:

‘Buy my car, it has full bmw main dealer history’
‘nah I’m alright thanks mate’

It needs an oil service.
For resale/value retention, especially being that it only has 15k miles, i should really take it to BMW, but i genuinely dont want them going anywhere near it lol.

That's a bodge, but pales into insignificance compared the one on the m135 !

Umm yes. That headlight "re-wire" was distinctly unimpressive.
Yes it worked, but my god those pictures you sent me where pikey as f*ck

 

[Rob]

Yup. Its fairly poor isnt it, i mean the part wasnt exactly expensive (£35 posted from Germany), so they should have just replaced it really. I think the thing that really annoys me with the main dealer is that they just dont care, i mean, the saloon 335i has full BMW history as well and the first thing i had to do with that was fix the coolant leak from the poorly replaced (under warranty) water pump, then they buggered up the power cable recall so it cut out on the motorway!!

Which leads me onto:


It needs an oil service.
For resale/value retention, especially being that it only has 15k miles, i should really take it to BMW, but i genuinely dont want them going anywhere near it lol.


Umm yes. That headlight "re-wire" was distinctly unimpressive.
Yes it worked, but my god those pictures you sent me where pikey as f*ck

Take it to bmw and just ask to watch whilst it’s done, sighting your previous examples. Claim the previous owner was a neighbour so you know 100% it had never been anywhere else

 

[Sir_Dave]

Well. Any ideas of warranty went out the door over the weekend 🤣
After the ZF8 in the M135i, i just couldnt cope with the sh1tty gearbox anymore. Standard 335i still has 300bhp, so shouldnt feel like a milk float at low speed.

So i bought a new toy, specifically a Watson Power Max 45NF power supply. Now, over the years, ive done shed loads of coding/updating/mapping using a CTEK MXS 5.0 battery charger, and/or just on the cars power, but well, it always felt like i was sailing a little too close to the wind, especially when flashing software updates for 30+ minutes. This "cb radio" power suppoy can provide 40 amps continuous at 13.8 volts so the car battery stays nice & stable for as long as i need


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1st floor flat problems (extension lead out of living room window):

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Plan for the day? An MHD flash for the gearbox. Initial backup (circa 30 mins), software flash (20 mins), then map flash (2-3 mins). I had stage 2 last time on the 330d, but was really undecided whether to go stage 2 or stage 3 on the 335i, so bought a "Super Licence" which is maps 1/2/3 for £219.

Backing up:

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Ampage draw was between 15-20A throughout:

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Decided to go with Stage 2 initially:

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Quick spin around the block and it worked well, much improved torque convertor lock up, quicker changes etc, but still no ZF8. Back home and loaded Stage 3. Now have 50% faster shifts in S/M modes, proper throttle blip on downshifts and instant paddle reaction (also took 5 mins to rewire the shifters so they are left/down and right/up). Gearbox is now drastically improved, so would suggest whilst stage 2 is ideal for diesels, stage 3 is better for a petrol.

 

[Crybert]

Jealous. I can’t justify the cost of it though. I find DS is decent enough but normal mode can be sloshy

 

[MarkCup]

Hmmmm. That you have all that, and you're a BMW fwiend, makes MHD now that I'm out of warranty even harder to resist. FFS.

 

[Sir_Dave]

Jealous. I can’t justify the cost of it though. I find DS is decent enough but normal mode can be sloshy

Its probably the best couple hundred quid you can spend on an e9* auto i reckon; that, plus the paddle rewire modernises the car instantly

Hmmmm. That you have all that, and you're a BMW fwiend, makes MHD now that I'm out of warranty even harder to resist. FFS.

Do it Mark.
The MHD system is very very good imho. Now they do a wireless doggle its far better for datalogging as well, no flipping wires dangling around all over the place.
And we all know how much you like data, spreadsheets and graphs

 

[Christopher]

Good work. I just used an old trickle charger so I know that feeling of flash anxiety!

 

[daydotz]

Only on CS would you find DIY remapping [emoji38]

 

[Simon_16v]

Haven't they got something similar for the ZF8 now too?

 

[Sir_Dave]

Good work. I just used an old trickle charger so I know that feeling of flash anxiety!

Haha, i've done it a few different ways, jump leads, trickle charger to name but a couple, but as this car is bit "nicer" than the others i thought i better do it properly 🤣

Only on CS would you find DIY remapping [emoji38]

The Americans on e90post are the proper nutters, backing up/modifying the ECU's and modifying the code themselves

Haven't they got something similar for the ZF8 now too?

Yeah, XHP do an ZF8 map now, although being honest, its pretty darn good fro the factory!
X-Delete is the one that i'll be interested in in the future im sure, the idea of a highish power RWD 35d X5 appeals for some reason ...

Insurance renewal done today. £320. It seems i've finally got to the point that insurance is relatively cheap!!

 

[Simon_16v]

Surely @Sir_Dave you'd want the M50D X5?

I renewed my insurance last month and I couldn't get it any lower than £400...

 

[Sir_Dave]

Surely @Sir_Dave you'd want the M50D X5?

I renewed my insurance last month and I couldn't get it any lower than £400...

Nah.
Partly as im too tight, but also as whilst the old M57/ZF6 combo is pretty bomb proof, the N57, tri-turbo, plus ZF8 do have the occasional major problem.
Also, as a keen DIY'er, i've realised that buying something the Yanks get is a good idea. They've never had the M50d, but love to tinker with the old twin turbos.
Realistically speaking, an e70 runs on pretty much the same tech as the e9*, so all my diagnostics/knowledge of the drivetrain/systems would transfer over.

 

[Sir_Dave]

Little update on the car ...

First things first, whilst i love silver hex with alcantara, i dont like it with oyster leather, but we all know i love woodtrim right

Be gone.

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Ah, thats better.

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Eventually, i would like Diamant Schwarz or Piano Black, but at £300+ secondhand, that can wait for a bit i think.

Also gave the leather a quick going over/protect with Gliptone cleaner & conditioner. It was pretty clean already to be fair.

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Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Baby seat is behind me as it wont fit behind the passenger seat currently with Sarah's pregnant lady gangster lean - that'll swop over when minime arrives.

After the inside, a much needed exterior clean was done, hadnt done it since i bought it and its clear that the dealer prep left a lot to be desired. Deffo needs a proper going over, there seems to be dried on mould/green stuff on the roof/window shuts (from sitting around for 8 years i assume) that needs something a bit stronger than soap and a washmitt to remove - any suggestions?


Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

For anyone wondering, the rear end is a bit low as its fully loaded with Bilstein suspension and a shed load of stuff for when we go into labour.

Also retrofitted the combox, then realised that my CIC isnt at the correct firmware level for it to work properly, so i had to pull it all back out again. Unfortunately, whilst i can use WinKFP, I dont have access to an ICOM cable and wont be paying £300+ for one anytime soon - will have to send the unit off for that to be done. Again, that can wait until we are out of lockdown.

Looking lovely this morning.

Untitled by Sir_Dave, on Flickr

 

[Gally]

Congrats on baby sir Dave mate! Hope Sarah is doing well!

Love you obsession with these cars. And not to detract but Chris' is a nicer colour. I can't quite put my finger on why. I'd probably have classy silver if you could find one in the right spec. I'm fussy with colours.

Epic wagon however! By the time the baby is 2 months you will realise how helpful the big car is!

 

[Not a Diesel!!!]

Good update. You are right about the trim the dark wood looks better against that leather.

Don't believe you will have much space. Whilst the e91 is a cracking looking car the narrow boot due to being rwd does not give great space once a pushchair is in there. Having the other back seat makes the difference. Although you may find your partner sits in that one to keep the new arrival company.

 

[Not a Diesel!!!]

Still loving the pan roof combo with the light leather. Such a bright place to be.

 

[Sir_Dave]

Congrats on baby sir Dave mate! Hope Sarah is doing well!
Love you obsession with these cars. And not to detract but Chris' is a nicer colour. I can't quite put my finger on why. I'd probably have classy silver if you could find one in the right spec. I'm fussy with colours.

Epic wagon however! By the time the baby is 2 months you will realise how helpful the big car is!

Thanks @gally ... Sarah's 40+3 weeks now, so due any day!! Unfortunately, Covid19 will stop me actually seeing the baby once its born for 48-36 hours (i get an hour after birth 🙁), but it is what it is, and naturally, its affecting some in far worse ways than that. Hopefully our minime will have excellent dress sense like your little one 😉😎

In terms of the colour, yes i must admit, space grey would not have been my number one choice at any point (my ideal would have been either le mans blue/sapphire black with oyster), but @Not a Diesel!!! 330i did look lovely on the 19" rims!! On the flipside, for what i paid for it, i wasnt too fussed on the colour 😇🥳

Still loving the pan roof combo with the light leather. Such a bright place to be.

Good update. You are right about the trim the dark wood looks better against that leather.
Don't believe you will have much space. Whilst the e91 is a cracking looking car the narrow boot due to being rwd does not give great space once a pushchair is in there. Having the other back seat makes the difference. Although you may find your partner sits in that one to keep the new arrival company.

Yes, pan roof and light leather makes it sooo bright inside, especially compared to my old e91 with black leather/no sunroof, i've always been a fan of light leather if im honest, Sarah's TT is similar ...

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Boot space wise, whilst the e91 isnt massive as you say, it does seem ok so far, although i do have the BMW roof bar setup from my old one just in case i do need to fit a roofbox at any point If we have two kids ill probably get an X5, but for the moment, i just want to enjoy this i think - i did have to plan for using the TT as a second car anyways, so the iCandy Lime pushchair we got is one of the smaller ones on the market when folded. I researched them like i research everything, with excel, like a geek lol.

 

[Gally]

I do the same with stuff. Takes me 6 months to buy anything.

We got an oyster as the fitment was lovely and neat! Even just for storing in the house sometimes. Prams are harder to find small! 😂

Any names yet? Davey? Big D? Wee D?

Thank God he has better dress sense than me!

 

[Crybert]

You’ve basically got the same set up as me. 3 series + 2 seater. I can guarantee, even though you think it’ll work, it’s not ideal lol. I also don’t find the 3 series that bit to be honest.

We’re working it just now but I reckon the z4 will have to go at some point soon

 

[massiveCoRbyn]

What are you lot talking about?! When I was a kid, me and my two siblings got carted about in a three-door Nova 😂

 

[Not a Diesel!!!]

My wife had a z3m coupe when i had my e91, had to wait till daughter in a front facing seat as no passenger airbag switch on that. Boot ok on that. Remember seeing a picture online someone took when I took daughter to breakfast club at goodwood of the car with recaro child seat.

When my daughter born had a clio trophy. Took that with my when bought our oyster to make sure it fitted.

First few years had 3 Door cars (clios and megane) I never had any problems. No childlock worry when no doors!

 

[Gally]

I had coupes until Milly was 8! I only have a bigger car now because company car!

 

[TheEvilGiraffe]

I had coupes until Milly was 8! I only have a bigger car now because company car!

Hooooold the freaking phone.....

When did she turn 8 ?????

 

[ChrisR]

My wife is due in about 7 weeks and currently has a 5 door cooper S.

Baby, coupled with some back problems she has, means we are in the process of trading it in for a T-Roc R, which should’ve been here by now but is delayed for obvious reasons! More for the extra height making it easier getting her and a baby in and out without bending/twisting too much.

Should give us enough room, gone for an Oyster 3 pram thing which folds up pretty small (which also isn’t here yet, as well as the car seats we’ve bought).

My RS3 should be fine too, not the biggest if boots as it’s pretty shallow, but will be enough I’d have thought!

 

[Sir_Dave]

If anyone is interested: https://cliosport.net/threads/58-e91-335i-lci-sport-touring-18k-miles-£13-495.834562/

Am strangely enjoying wafting about in the X5 😂

 

[Short Norman]

I see you've braved the b**ch corner that is cutters classifieds 😂 😂

 

[Waitey]

If anyone is interested: https://cliosport.net/threads/58-e91-335i-lci-sport-touring-18k-miles-£13-495.834562/

Am strangely enjoying wafting about in the X5 😂

You really need to get the £400 worth of body work done to it. Thats in a proper s**t state for the mileage.

 

[Sir_Dave]

You really need to get the £400 worth of body work done to it. Thats in a proper s**t state for the mileage.

Perhaps. But at least my estate works 😘
(i have asked for some bodywork quotes)

 

[Crybert]

Yeah I think getting it sorted and making it proper mint is the way to go. Yes it’s low miles but folk want it to be all round excellent for the price and mileage

 

[Waitey]

Perhaps. But at least my estate works 😘
(i have asked for some bodywork quotes)

Mine works, its just X3 shaped at the moment....